While emergencies and health crises do get in the way sometimes, it is always ideal to know your aging loved one’s goals and plans before a fall, heart attack, stroke, or other unplanned event occurs. Fortunately, talking about estate planning and health wishes is not as taboo as it might have been just a few decades ago. Unfortunately, choosing to not have a conversation or two about important topics can leave you and your family members feeling disorganized and confused.
Not sure where to start? Here are a few questions you should ask so that you understand your loved one’s preferences.
Do you have a Power of Attorney(s) appointed? Do those POAs know?
A Power of Attorney, or POA, is a designated person that can make decisions on another person’s behalf, if that person is unable to do so. Typically, a senior will designate an adult child as their Power of Attorney for healthcare and/or financial decisions.
Make sure that your loved one has designated POA(s) and that those appointed people know about it and are comfortable with their role. If your loved one doesn’t have these roles designated, get an appointment with an attorney to take care of that ASAP. Finally, make sure someone in the family knows where the original paperwork declaring the POA(s) is located.
Use this conversation to learn more about their estate planning process, including if there is a Living Will or Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order.
What are your driving goals?
Having a conversation about driving safety is a lot easier when your loved one is already independently driving. When you have to “take the keys away”, things can get awkward and defensive. However, if you open up a conversation about your loved one’s goals for driving and when they no longer want to drive, it can make “taking the keys away” easier in the future.
Talk candidly about safety, especially if your loved one has low vision, a neurological disease, or another condition that might make driving unsafe eventually. Talk about how your loved one wants to stay safe and what signs you should look for that mean they might no longer be safe behind the wheel. You can also begin talking about transportation options available in the community to hear what they think about those solutions.
Do you want family members to help with caregiving tasks? What tasks are off-limits?
It is common for family members to step in to support an aging loved one living at home. However, the senior family member might get left out of the conversation about what they want help with and what they don’t. For example, Mom might love having her adult children help out with scheduling doctor appointments or dropping off groceries, but she might not want her children helping out with personal care.
It’s important to have this conversation so that you understand how your senior loved one views their independence and their dignity. It’s also important for your senior loved one to understand what you might not be able to assist with due to your own family and professional obligations.
What is important to you in a caregiver?
For those tasks that are “off-limits”, an in-home caregiver can be the perfect solution. Again, family members often seek out home care without necessarily bringing their senior loved one into the process. Start now by talking about what type of qualities they want in a caregiver, what gender they feel most comfortable with, and how they would interview and select a caregiver. Even if they end up not being a part of the interview process due to a medical emergency or condition, you’ll be able to know what was important to them and find a way to incorporate that into the process.
Here at CaringGivers, we love being able to be a part of the lives of our clients and their family members. We know that the right support from an in-home caregiver can be a relief to the senior and everyone around them. Learn more about our services here.